I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he thought i was a dude.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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