so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
