Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
