I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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