btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
