dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
