very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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