She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize