You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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