we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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