in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
