I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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