About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
