I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
