well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
