Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
