I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
