I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
