you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
