shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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