Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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