Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
