I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
