I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
