Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
