hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
