dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
