Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
