I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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