when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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