i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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