Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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