I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
either way he was missing a nipple.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
