My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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