come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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