my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
