Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
