The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
