Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
