I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my liver is dry heaving
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
