Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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