i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
