how can u be prego again
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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