How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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