The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
