1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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