You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
