If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
