I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
