She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
