Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
